Thoughts, Creativity, and Gaps
Kinda just all over the place thinking out loud, plus an important announcement!
How do you get to know yourself in order to project the clearest image of you?
I don’t know, but I think we’ve been forced to pigeonhole ourselves with Instagram/Twitter bios at 200 characters or less, quick introductions at work, & trying to fit ourselves into boxes to figure out if we’re “e-girl-Bella Hadid-archival vintage-coded” or not (I just made that up).
I think a big part of being able to find a clear vision of yourself has to do with creativity.
Because I have yet to pull the talk therapy trigger, I read a lot of books for counselors/therapists on how to counsel their clients and then I just flip it and reverse it1 & try to counsel myself. I was reading Creativity, Wellbeing, and Mental Health Practice by Tony Gillam. As outlined in the book, defining creativity is almost impossible, but what Gilliam can define is the life-affirming nature of creativity and its therapeutic role in developing the self.
“Although they begin with the same level of psychological health as others, creative people enjoy greater health and psychological freedom than the average population as a result of engaging in creative activities.”2
Outside of the typical “artist”, I see extraordinary creativity in seemingly “ordinary people”. I see it when I shop on eBay and a clothing seller from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma styles the blouse they're selling in a super chic way. Creativity lives within the way my nail tech does her eye makeup, the poem my friend writes on the back of a napkin, the way my hinge date designed his bedroom, and there’s creativity in the woman I passed on the sidewalk yesterday who was wearing all green —greenscreen color green, mind you; you would have been able to edit her away in AfterEffects but she was really rocking that outfit. “To live creatively is to touch everything with joyful unexpected magic.” I think everyone has a bit of that magic in them, in their own way.
But you’ll never know that magic if you don’t know yourself.
I know myself, we’re acquaintances, but I’m still trying to get to know me better.
This graph came up when I was doing research for Being Wrong, it didn’t really fit in that essay but I like it so here it is.
I heard or read or found out somehow some way, that when you make up scenarios in your head about the outcome of an event or interaction that you’re anxious about, your body reacts emotionaslly as if it was really happening. Your body does not know that this is something your brain is making up, and now you’ve just put your body through emotional turmoil that it did not have to go through.
The scenarios that our brains make up create gaps in our judgments. The anxious daydream is made up of falsities based in fear and illusion. There are a lot of gaps in life, but I try not to worry about the outcome of things I cannot control.
I’m fascinated with this “gap” that exists in everyday parts of our lives, ontological gaps, gaps in desire, knowledge, chasms created by hurt that need to be bridged with an apology, etc, etc... I am constantly thinking about the gap, and how to mind it, figuratively, and sometimes literally when I’m getting on and off the train and im terrified my Airpod is going to fall into the gap.
There will always be a gap. There will always be things we do not know.
& There is so much that we just can’t know, and that being said: this is a reminder to give people grace. While some people are self-interested assholes who are incapable of self-reflection or growth, most people are not. Everyone is trying to mind the gap, the way they do it might be different than the way you do it.
I think people are quick to throw other people away and too quick to give up on things when it gets hard or requires more effort than we’re used to giving.
I’m not saying we should gentle-parent the disruptive chaotic person causing harm and terror on the train platform, tase that fucker, but we must remember people do not exist in a vacuum. As Kamala Harris said, you “exist in the context of all of which you live and what came before you.” You did not “fall out of a coconut tree”, a lot is going on beneath the surface for everyone. Once we all stop trying to pretend we’re not humans with emotions and feelings we can begin to hold more compassion for each other.
Even as I come on here and write write write every week and preach about this and that and how I think this is stupid, and that is dumb, and this is right; I’m no better. I preach in order to remind myself to practice.
Everyone is learning, this is everyone’s first time on earth, in case you forgot. For example, I go on and on about how people need to speak up and not be so scared to grab hold when people are reaching for connection, but there are times when I too fall through the trap door of “just being human” and I don’t put my best practices to use.
Once, a date was trying to connect with me on a sentiment I expressed about learning how to ask for help and they expressed their struggle with asking for help as well. I didn’t grab hold of their reach for connection, I think I just went “mhmm.” or something... I don’t remember, but I did not engage in further conversation. I was kind of shocked at their admission, but I was also pretty smitten by them so I was nervous, and had so many other thoughts going on in my head that I couldn’t get any words out. I unintentionally dismissed their bid for connection.
It’s all fun and games to be “in so deep” and “such a fool for you” but it takes practice and time to move without fear and get out of the '“deer in headlights mode”.
But this is really to say that I am not meant to make definitive all-or-nothing statements, that’s not what this substack is about. I think things are how they are now, and they might change, they might not, who knows. Whatever, so be it. I’m also learning how to be a person on earth.
My human design chart lets me know I am not meant to make definitive statements, there is no need for me to stick to fixed ideas. Human design, has to do with astrology, its like the birth chart of your unconscious personality and your conscious personality. An analysis of your chart helps you find ways to bridge the gap between your unconscious self, and your conscious self. Bridging that gap helps you reach alignment and helps your self flourish. My chart tells me I’m meant to see things from many perspectives and my path to alignment is derailed when I pretend to be certain. (But me saying something is stupid is not a definitive statement! it’s just a fact, I know stupid when I see it)
Trying to maintain alignment is why these are my “ideas in motion” because nothing is static, everything is in motion and ever-changing.
“The French writer Jules Renard is credited with the aphorism3 that writing is a way of speaking without being interrupted.”4
I must interrupt myself, unfortunately; this will the my last post for the next 3 months or so. I need to give all my time and attention to planning the first annual Sandy Film Festival in October.
On a super unrelated note, I am still gathering a list of movies that “make us horny” for a future post. Keep up with my letterboxed for updates on that: nicolekdm
Paid subscribers I <3 you, thank you! Your payments will be paused until I return.
& Everyone else, go back in the archive and re-read posts, read things you haven’t read before, and let me know what you think! BuBye!
I’m channeling Missy Elliott
Gillam, Tony. Creativity, Wellbeing and Mental Health Practice. Cham: Springer International Publishing, 2018. Page 21
aphorism is a noun. defnintion meaning: a pithy observation that contains a general truth, such as, “if it ain't broke, don't fix it.”.
Gillam, Tony. Creativity, Wellbeing and Mental Health Practice. Cham: Springer International Publishing, 2018.